• Morgan Fagg

PunchU.S. Pilot

Imagine the worst bumpy ride of your life, turbulence beyond belief. Up and down and jerking sideways violently as you wait for an announcement from the Captain.

Now imagine clear skies instead with a black captain and his older co-pilot wearing Aviator shades, smiling. Captain Obama and co-pilot Biden. The team work well together despite a slip up on the microphone where passengers hear the co-pilot say, “this is fucking big.”

Not to be alarmed, the pilot has executed each pass and communicated with the passengers.

They are reassured by the sound of his voice, the slow pauses he makes when he speaks, showing that he puts thought into his words.

But then, passenger 71 stands up to say that the captain is endangering everyone, especially the white folk. He alerts everyone to the fact that the Captain is an illegal immigrant from Kenya and the Captain is not qualified to fly until he can prove he is an American. All of this is happening of course while the Captain is in the air.

A light flashes in the cockpit but the co-pilot catches it and quickly consults his manual and explains what is happening to the now distracted pilot who agrees with the co-pilot and stops thinking about the racist passenger in the back creating a ruckus in First Class that has been picked up by some of the cramped people in coach who now believe their suffering is caused by the man employed to keep them safe and navigate the often turbulent skies.

I’ve seen Obama touch down in Dublin. I’ve stood under the fuselage of Air Force One as it crossed the threshold of Dublin Airport in 2011. Obama is no pilot and anyone who takes the controls of Air Force One, I believe has to be a minimum of an Air Force colonel meaning the plane is handled by either a general or a colonel.


Obama’s predecessor was an actual pilot and I believe he co-piloted a plane onto an aircraft carrier for a photoshoot with the ill-ill-advised and inappropriate “Mission Accomplished” banner being heavily criticised at the time.

Fast forward a decade and Bush was replaced by Obama who was replaced by the C.E.O. of Trump Airlines who despite the planes, I don’t believe he ever held a pilot’s licence and before running the country, he bankrupt his airline.


He grounded his airline and many other businesses including Trump Vodka and Trump Steaks. How does a man connected to V Putin and Russia fail when selling Vodka? The stakes are a little higher now that he is President but despite claiming to hire the best people, many we have seen have either resigned or have been imprisoned including actual generals.


On one occasion it was also reported that his daughter Ivanka got to fly Air Force One, a luxury I’m sure few get to enjoy. The hands on the controls are neither ready or responsible enough to handle the trust of the situation.

On the other hand, Obama landed a plane in Cuba when nobody else could. Not an emergency landing mind you but America’s most visible plane and symbol of America landing in Havana.

He landed a plane where people like Gary Powers could not even fly spy planes for decades.

Drinking in a Cuban bar in Spain on the night, I was very disappointed to hear that Obama had touched down in Cuba to the criticism of Donald Trump’s campaign and the Republican party.

An American president landed in Cuban and met with Fidel and Raul Castro several decades after The Bay of Pigs disaster and the last attempted landing by an American President in Cuba.


Kennedy’s Vice President didn’t try going back to Cuba and neither did Nixon nor his Vice President Gerald Ford nor President Carter nor Ronald Reagan nor his Vice President George Bush or his son. On a wing and a prayer, Obama landed safely in Cuba thanks to efforts started by Pope Francis I.

The miracle landing in Cuba contaminated by slurs from Republicans because there was a terrorist attack in Europe. The type of criticism Obama’s predecessor never received when four American planes were used to attack and kill almost 3,000 Americans.

America is not alone in the skies but the American Airport first policy will make refuelling harder and harder despite air-to-air refuelling. Trump believes that only he can fix America’s problems and the controls have been passed to him as the new pilot. He smiles like a child pretending to drive a truck but quickly realised that healthcare and other polices were harder than anyone knew.

With the possibility of this captain parachuting out to save himself as his co-pilot reminding people to pray to god as he points the plane to the heavens, America will have to hope for a soft landing.

There are dark clouds ahead, third-in-line, Nancy Pelosi is grounded while The First Lady flies first class on government jets as air traffic controllers are being fed pizza by Canadians during Trump's government shutdown. Trump has even asked Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, “Didn’t you guys burn down the White House?” A reference to the fact that British troops burnt down the mansion in 1812.


Not the last time, the executive mansion caught fire but Trump is certainly not looking to put out fires especially if the fire fighters let him drive the truck and blow the horn. At least its not as bad as Ivanna flying Air Force One and fortunately no planes have fallen from the skies during the shutdown even if they have forbidden air traffic controlers and TSA from telling their stories about being unpaid during the shutdown. They have lost their right to get paid for their work and their Freedom of speech. SAD.

Cartoons from the New Yorker highlighting the situation at hand.

Have we lost control? America wakes up to a proud captain displaying cold airline food to athletes.


Update: Boeing's new 737Max has been barred from entering European airspace after the crash of an Ethiopian plane and now people have questioned if Trump's shutdown delayed crucial work from being carried out on the new 737 and Ethiopia has stated that they won't trust America with the black boxes but it is too early to talk about that case other than to say, Trump should not be allowed near the cockpit never mind the controls.


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